Recently I read a story that told about the 3 kinds of love that the Greeks distinguish in their language: Eros, Philos and Agape. Eros stands for lust, the bestial and conquering, the dominating and the submissive between people. It has taken on the sound of the more masculine energy in love.

Philos stands for friendship, the fraternization, the reliable predictability in relationships, the peace and regularity of it. Philos has also been called a more feminine trait, especially in male/female relationships.

Finally, Agape is the Divine love, the platonic and distant love, the non-violent, touchless and unconditional love.

The parallel with brain stem, limbic brain and neocortex does not seem entirely coincidental. The survival drive that has to provide offspring, the clan-forming stability of group bonding and the abstraction of emotionless (because unconditional) hope and faith.

And so everything is love, there is love in everything and we can only feel, think and act from love. And it is precisely in this that not only the shadow sides of love are found, but also its opportunities.

If eros determines I want to win, it is love, love for myself and my survival. When I say 'no' to immigrants, it is out of love for myself and out of philos for the people around me. "Own people first" is therefore an expression of group love and a determination by the limbic brain. Also, telling my wife that I love her because I want to sleep with her, or that I love her because I want to grow old with her, are signs of brain stem and limbic energy, respectively. So these first two kinds of love are conditional in themselves and have a purpose in some form of reciprocity.

Agape has no conditions. Knows no boundaries and no inside or outside groups. Has no feelings of lust or need for bonding. Agape is therefore a higher form of love, a further developed form of love. A form that seems to be reserved for people who have transcended and outgrown the 'conditional life'. With which all love seems to contain the promise of transcendence. So eros offers the chance to grow into philos and that in turn offers the possibility to develop with fewer and fewer conditions (or to deal better with conditions) to a life in which conditions are no longer obstacles and agape can enter.

The 'why' question with all types of (one's own) behavior gives the opportunity to look at the factuality of what you do with a little more distance: observing. Observing offers the opportunity to reflect and to recognize the conditionalities in your behaviour. This opens up the opportunity to see that the conditions served by your current behavior may be archaic or outdated conditions. Finally, feeling and understanding the degree of obsolescence offers the opportunity to transcend all conditions.

Peace, distance, emptiness and reflection are therefore the ingredients to climb the steps of the love ladder. Which in an endless cycle push upwards and upwards to the point where trust and faith determine all forms of your behavior: All is love, but some love is greater than others!